Why is it so hard for it to be in my head that I’m actually a senior now? I’m seriously a five year old in my head, so everyone talking about being seniors freaks me out a bit. I’m not ready to be a senior. I’m not ready to grow up. Matter of fact, I can’t grow up. I can’t be in the “real world” I can’t do it. And I sure as hell can’t do it alone. Yeah, I have Anthony which is fantastic cause he understands me and the way I act, things I say, what I do unlike anyone else, but I’m scared I’ll still feel alone. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking when all I wanted to do was go to New York City for college, shit I’m terrified just to go to the community college.. But everything is changing so fast for me now, I’m growing up. I have a job now, and working 31 hours a week & 4 out of the six days that we’re open. I have my own bank account. I have my own checks with my name on them, and I don’t even understand how to write or even the concept of checks. In seven months, I’ll be 18, I’ll be an adult, I’ll be able to do what I want, HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO BE 18 ALREADY?! I’m not mentally ready for any major responsibility whats-soever. I’m just a kid. I still watch Disney Channel, even though the shows suck ass now.. I still sleep with stuffed animals. I love coloring books, I love playing on wittle kid playgrounds. I’m just a kid and I don’t want to grow up and become a so called “adult” But as of May 31st 2012, 7pm, I will be in the real world and I will be an adult, I will be a high school graduate.